Why do affairs of the heart are so complicating?

Haven't been really got the chance to type a long entry, ever since the start of school. Either I'm piled up with homework, that I really don't have the time to type a long entry, or I'm just super tired or plain lazy to type a long entry.

Anyway, since now I don't need to hand in any homework for tml, and that my roomie isn't back, I can type a long entry (I hope).

This is the 4th week of school, and it feels like I've been here for eons of age. Encountered a change of environment and trying to adapt; met new and old friends; several emotions ran across both my mind and heart. Really have no idea why the affairs of the heart are still bothering me. I thought I could put down some matters of the past and just walked on, like a carefree person. However, reality is cruel and it seems that it doesn't allow me to do so.

Thoughs ran across my mind and things of the past just flashed across, and emotions that have been kept dormant, are erupting. Is that a good or bad thing? My mind tells me it is a bad thing coz I should not dwell on the past, but conscience is telling me the other way. It's not entirely good either but it just tells me I may have a chance.

Seriously, I rather bottled up my emotions and feelings but they are overwhelming. When mood swing struck, my MSN personal message will reflect and I'll see his MSN personal message changes as well. It seems that it is kind of replying to mine, but I can't gurantee for sure. I mean how sure can I be? When I tried to ask him, he'll juz coolly replied, "mood swing". And I dared not probe further, for fear he would be turned off.

At times, I feel that he's trying to avoid me, or avoid some questions I asked. What does it show? Does he still have some feelings but he's trying to avoid? Or am I the only one who's thinking this way?

There's no point of me feeling remorse now. I have apologised to him and he has accepted and he had said don't dwell on it anymore. But I cannot don't dwell.

My feelings for you hasn't change but I don't dare to tell you. My 6th sense is telling me not to, coz you'll avoid it. I want to know if you are still feeling the same, or you are having feelings for someone else. If you are, I'm not angry for I have no reason to be. I'll give my blessings to you, as I have always said to you.

Today, I saw you. You seemed like you don't want really acknowledge me.

Thursday. I'm meeting you for dinner. You promised. But why do I got the feeling that you'll not be able to make it last minute?




Why do affairs of the heart are so complicating?