To quit or not to quit?

I'm contemplating now.... as to whether to resign or not to resign...

I mean I'll definitely quit TMVC, but my initial plan was to quit a year later, after gaining enough experience, and knowing some contacts.

However, after the visit to the doctor today, I have some thoughts on quitting earlier.

I know it's unavoidable that every job has its stress but it's the amount of stress factored into each job. It's not my first time working but last time while working, like in Fila, I didn't get this kind of stress. It's only when started to work in TMVC, my condition gets worse. I mean my acid reflux.

The doctor says it's almost impossible for the acid to flow back normally. All I can do now to take medicine to prevent the condition from getting worse. There was already the influx of foreign cells into the esophagus for quite some time, it's just that now, it's acting up and I'm feeling more pain than ever. Doctor says if the condition worsens, means more influx of foreign cells into esophagus, it'll eventually lead to higher risk of cancer.

It's not a sure thing it'll worsen but still, I'm rather afraid. Is it worth it to risk my health because of work? Should I change to another production company? But wouldn't the same thing happen again? Or probably it would be better? Or should I just change to another line? Then why I study filmmaking?

Sighz....

Pain is acting up again.... should stop blogging n rest.....

Suffering from acid reflux and gall reflux - as diagnosed by the specialist. Most probably it's a result of stress and the few years of irregular meals. Sighz....

Was thinking of lasting at least a year before switching jobs but in this current situation, would I ever be able to stay for 7 more months to achieve 1 year experience?

Have known the cons of this industry before joining, but this company seems to be worse. It's alright if you have a good boss, but bad when you meet bad bosses....

Mum and Aunt ask me not to self-inflict stress but it can't be helped. The stress comes invisibly and has always been the case since young.

Shall fight on for now.... till I can't handle it.....

THIS IS SPARTA!!!!

I wonder if it's self-inflicted stress which I'm getting the abdomen pains again.... Used to have it around 8 years back, then on and off... Didn't see a doctor that time as I thought it would be over for a while.

It came back again yesterday. Though not as pain as last time but this time round, I puked.

Mum says might be gastric but I doubt so coz I still have my meals on time. And I don't think I'll get gastric easily. Went to see a doctor coz I had to get a MC to account for my absence from the office today. Doctor told me to take medication and if the pain persists, I have to come back after 2 days.

Hopefully nothing's wrong and that I don't have to get an X-ray. It has been a shitty week since last week, so I don't really want another problem to be added on... Hopefully it's nothing serious, otherwise.... it's just fate... I guess...

22 September 2010

Last post was on 2 August. Now's 22 September. Nearly a month since I blogged.
Guess I'm either too tired to blog, or speechless to blog, in a bad way.

Nearing to the end of September marks my 4th month into permanent work life. It's not really considered a long period of time, but I feel I have been working for nearly a year, or maybe more. Energy gets sucked out completely, leaving you lifeless and with almost everyday being a zombie. Work also means you have to be 2-face, or pretentious, especially in front of bosses. To survive, that's the only way when you're not the apple of their eyes and you're still new.

"If they're pretentious to you, you have to do the same to survive."

With each passing day, not just my energy gets sucked by the company, but the angst increases as well. Irritation and frustration comes easily. Now, I'm still able to withhold it however, it is uncertain when I'll snap suddenly.

"If you pull a rubber band too taut, it'll eventually snap."

I am only 1 person, with 1 brain, 1 pair of hands, 1 pair of legs and assigned to 3 projects. How would it be possible for me to do things for 3 projects, at the same time (as in that particular moment)? Yes, I would like to enlist help too but everyone's busy. Who to ask?
Time will not stop for you, bosses.

"Killing 3 birds with 1 stone, at the same moment, is impossible."

Motivation to post this blog? Needed somewhere to rant my rumblings....

如果时间能停止。。。

如果时间能停止。。。


我希望能停留在幼稚园，做个无忧无虑的小孩子。

我希望能停留在小学，快乐地和朋友们一起玩耍。

我希望能停留在中学，与朋友在课后一起流荡。

我希望能停留在高中，不失去一段感情，并常与朋友唱K。

我希望能停留在大学，好让做工的日子永远不会来。

我希望能停留在那刹那，不在职场上犯错误。

我希望能停留在周末，周日永远不会来。

我希望能停留在今天，明天就永远不会来。

Aftermath

Recently, when someone asks me, "How's your trip to Taiwan?" I totally have no idea how to answer. The reply I gave, "Okay ba." It's not that great, neither is it that bad, but it's an overseas holiday out of all, which I have gone, that gives me the least enjoyment. Not really once, could I have a really hearty laughter.

It gives me a second thought on who to go with on an overseas trip.

My smile is not a smile. My laughter is not a laughter. My questions will never be asked. My doubts will never be cleared. My sadness will only known by those who are really close to me. I can never use back the same attitude to face them again. Or would I say, to go out with them, should I be invited (which I doubt so).

I swear I'm not an over-sensitive person. Those who have eyes can see clearly....

Once again, the fear of betrayal is induced in me. My protection shield would be up again.

心事

我也许，是个孤僻小子。。。

还是是一个不合群的人。。。

又或则是我已经不能伪装了。。。

有可能是我不擅长表达，心事往心里啃。。。

难道是我太敏感了吗？

不对啊。。。事实摆在眼前了。。。

原以为自己是个外向的人，渐渐地变成内向了。。。

已经分辨不出什么是真正的友谊了。。。

虚伪。。。全是虚伪。。。