对得起自己

After much thoughts, and heeding advices from various people, finally decided on what post to take up for hall production - co-producer cum director.

Ever since the last production that took place on Feb this year, been thinking about it. Wanted to join back production for it is my interest but uncertain of what role to take on. The seniors have asked me to take on the challenging role of producer but at that time, was really terrified at that thought. Felt that I did not have the ability. As the days grow closer to set up the main comm for production, mind starts to waver again.

Fear no one would want to take on the role of producer and hence, production may just fall into history, which I don't want it to happen. Then again, the thought of the heavy responsibility of being a producer struck me.

Will I be able to handle the role?
Do I have the ability to lead people?
Am I really capable?
Do I have the time?
Would that really be my main interest?
Will people support me?

Questions pop up here and there, and it grew to a humongous amount.

Need advices. Sought advices from several people, seniors, juniors and my own batch of peeps.

Alas! Able to came up with the final solution! Co-pro cum director. Still able to assist the producer in some admin stuff, and also to follow my interest - directing.

Thank you for everyone who has given me advices. Honestly, really appreciated it! Will pay back with gratitude (in one way or another).

Hope people will still join production, even when I'm the co-pro. Don't expect too much from me coz when it comes to production and other stuff, involving my interest, I will tend to think alot and stresses easily.

Now to think back, of all productions I have joined, my role had always been a stage manager and every time, I would break down, in one way or another.

Am I expecting too much from myself?

Then again, if I'm not, would I push myself to strive for better performance, out from myself?

Is that the right way?

Admit that I don't speak up my thoughts often. Quietly keeping it to myself for some things are not meant to be said. I believe a majority in production are silent workers, and don't mind working silently, as long as there is an aim and believe in following the right goal.

Quoted from Singying “只要对得起自己，那就无怨无悔了。”

That, is so true, but when will we know “对得起自己”? One can never know, expect your ownself....